前言

你认为你写作论证充分合理，你以为你说清楚明白了，不需要进一步论证了。其实并非如此。你有这样的误会，也“归功于”某些知名雅思学习机构及网站。

接下来带着大家一起：

1.看所谓“范例”。

2.感受学术写作标准。

3.按雅思写作评分标准给“范例”的task response评分。

4.看真正范文。

1

“范例”  -  反例

以下是某知名雅思学习网站2017.5.20真题“范例”。

题: 2017.5.20

Task 2:  Government should control the amount of violence in films and television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, the discussion about whether the government should control the amount of violence in films and on television has become a heated one. People take diverse attitudes towards this issue. Before presenting my view, I seek to analyze the issue from different angles.

From some people’s point of view, there are many good reasons for controlling the amount of violence in films and on television. First, violent films and television can do harm to young people. Because they contains numerous of erotic, corrupt and provoking episode, which can bring negative influence to naive young people. Moreover, since young people are in the formative years, they are not mature enough. They always like imitating their idols, no matter right or wrong, which lead to the increasing of the juvenile delinquents. Thirdly, violence begets violence. Violent films and television can make people aggressive and cold-blooded, which enhance the violent crime in society. In a word, controlling the amount of violence in films and TV effectively can decrease the violent crimes in society and preserve social security.

Many others, however, take a quite strong opposite attitude towards this issue. They believe violent media have their positive sides, which should not be controlled by government. To begin with, there are many valuable education functions in this kind of films and TV. Because they can reflect the reality, and we can’t imagine that there aren’t any con information but only pro things in our world. Secondly, if the government control the violent films and television, it must influence the development of the entertainment industry. Last but not least, they can prepare children for the adult world and teach them to cherish life.

As far as I am concern, I strongly believe that the amount of violence in films and TV should be controlled. At the same time, we cannot deny the advantages brought by them. And the best policy is to develop the merits of the violent films and television, while grading and filtering them, describing that which are not fit for the children to watch.

2

标准学术论文

大家看完以上“范例”后，你是不是觉得没有什么问题呢？暂不细分析，来看西方一篇关于media violence与现实生活中violence的研究性学术论文。以下是abstract部分。

Laboratory experiments in psychology find that media violence increases aggression in the short run. We analyze whether media violence affects violent crime in the field. We exploit variation in the violence of blockbuster movies from 1995 to 2004, and study the effect on same-day assaults. We find that violent crime decreases on days with larger theater audiences for violent movies. The effect is partly due to voluntary incapacitation: between 6PM and 12AM, a one million increase in the audience for violent movies reduces violent crime by 1.1 to 1.3 percent. After exposure to the movie, between 12AM and 6AM, violent crime is reduced by an even larger percent. This finding is explained by the self-selection of violent individuals into violent movie attendance, leading to a substitution away from more volatile activities. In particular, movie attendance appears to reduce alcohol consumption. Like the laboratory experiments, we find indirect evidence that movie violence increases violent crime; however, this effect is dominated by the reduction in crime induced by a substitution away from more dangerous activities. Overall, our estimates suggest that in the short-run violent movies deter almost 1,000 assaults on an average weekend. While our design does not allow us to estimate long-run effects, we find no evidence of medium-run effects up to three weeks after initial exposure.

大概意思为:

心理学实验室研究发现，媒体暴力在短期内增加了攻击性。然而，在现实生活中媒体暴力是否会影响暴力犯罪呢？ 我们调查1995到2004间的暴力大片，并研究电影放映同一天社会上的犯罪和暴力数据。我们发现暴力犯罪随着暴力电影观众数量的增加而减少。部分原因是看暴力电影取代了现实生活中的暴力。特别注意的是，看电影似乎减少酒精消费。我们根据数据估计，暴力电影短期内阻止了每周末近1000起暴力。尽管我们的研究设计无法计算电影暴力对现实犯罪的长期影响， 但通过三周观察来看，暴力电影对现实暴力没有明显中期影响。

以上摘要说明媒体暴力不会增加社会暴力，甚至短期内还减少了社会暴力。粗体部分是段落核心，粗体后直到段落倒数第二句都是论证。 段落中有大量的解释和数据，具体1995年至2004年的调查，人们去看暴力电影所以不需要真正暴力了，不需要酗酒了，还有足够数据作为事实支持。雅思考试时，你不可能针对话题去阅读相关文章或去做实验调查，但你需要利用你生活中的经验和知识来证明你所提出的观点和论点。 记住: 雅思写作 task 2 题目要求中有一句: Include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience. 

3

根据 Task Response

评分标准评价“范例”

为了更深入理解论证程度要求，客观评价所谓知名网站"范文"，我们来看一下雅思官方评分细则。Task2, task response 关于论证部分的描述。

Task Response

Band 6: 

Presents relevant ideas but may be inadequately developed/unclear.

Band 7: 

Presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be tendency to over-generalist and/ or supporting ideas may lack focus.

刚才我们看到的某网站的“范文”，明显unclear 和inadequately developed 。举个栗子，注意红色标记位置。 erotic, corrupt and provoking episode 具体对naive young people 有negative influence, 但negative effects具体没有说明，unclear； violent films and television 导致 aggressive and cold-blooded 没有证据去支持, inadequately developed。如下：

From some people’s point of view, there are many good reasons for controlling the amount of violence in films and on television. First, violent films and television can do harm to young people. Because they contains numerous of erotic, corrupt and provoking episode, which can bring negative influence to naive young people. Moreover, since young people are in the formative years, they are not mature enough. They always like imitating their idols, no matter right or wrong, which lead to the increasing of the juvenile delinquents. Thirdly, violence begets violence. Violent films and television can make people aggressive and cold-blooded, which enhance the violent crime in society. In a word, controlling the amount of violence in films and TV effectively can decrease the violent crimes in society and preserve social security.

这文章从内容考虑，task reponse只能是6，整篇文章都是泛泛而谈，main ideas 大量摆出来不进一步论证。语言方面也有问题，尽管用了不少难词，但出了一些最基本语法错误，如because状语从句单独成句；they contains，主谓不一致。现在想象一下你学习这样的范文，结果会如何。

4

真正的参考范文

请见以下参考例子 ( 7.5 – 8.0 )：

The modern society is filled with increasing violence in media like movies and television. I think that government censorship should be introduced to limit the level of violence in movies, which could have negative effects on society, although violent scenes are unavoidable in today's entertainment industry.

First of all, the overwhelming violence in films and TV leads people, especially young ones, to imitate the violent behaviours. The violent heroes usually misguide people to believe that violence is cool and can be used to solve problems when conflicts arise. For example, the Chinese young people in the 21st century were inspired by the popular violent movies, like Youth and Danger, and large numbers of them dropped out from school, followed gangsters and kept carrying knives along, believing that the more violent they are, the more masculine they appear. Also, when there were relationship conflicts, they chose to fight violently, and the winner could have the priority to get the girl.

Second, the violent acts, especially the extreme ones, can be useful 'lessons' for criminals to learn more violent skills in committing crimes. There are a large number of violent horror films depicting extreme acts of violence, such as cutting people into pieces with saws, beheading and dismembering people.  Partly because of this, the real society has a larger volume of crimes with similar extreme violent scenes in the horror films, as crimes reported in some news that human bodies were cut into pieces and stored in the fridge.

On the other hand, violence in films and televisions does make them more exciting and thrilling for some people. However, the excitement from too many and intense violent scenes causes worries and may even lead to psychological problems. Many people report that they have nightmares and dare not to stay alone in the night after watching extreme bloody scenes in movies.

In conclusion, while there are reasons for the existence of violence in the films and televisions, its amount and its level should be controlled given its possible effects on adolescents and social stability. Stringent rules should be enforced to diminish the violence in media. 

以上文章论证充分，加上了作者个人知识和生活例子，让读者认为文章论点是有理有据的。这样的文章在task response方面才满足了7以上的标准。

两个核心论点：导致青少年模仿和犯罪者学习。

青少年模仿媒体暴力的证据有：中国20世纪末古惑仔电影对学生的影响。

犯罪者模仿媒体犯罪有：现实生活中类似于电影情节的犯罪。

后语

雅思写作要拿高分，需要从思维上去改进，论证到考官所期望的程度。特别注意不要被某些机构或网站给领歪了，不然一个大写的“惨”字。 另外需要特别强调的是: 英文写作是一种实用技能skill，需要自己动手练习，光看是没有用的。你亲自尝试写了这个violence话题后，会更好地理解这篇公众号文章的内容。加油吧，烤鸭们！